The Parent-in-Law Boundaries; Establish Early and Often

Welp, another of my friends has gotten engaged. He’s a good guy and got engaged to a good girl. Their MMVs are basically equal, both are a bit overweight and enjoy bowling, shooting pool and other simple pleasures like that.

Usually, this friend, another friend and myself get together once a month to get dinner at a certain burrito chain, and then spend the next 2-3hours telling jokes, stories and arguing religion and politics in the parking lot. It’s a great tradition we’ve kept going for probably 2 years now.

We were planning to meet this Tuesday until I got an from the newly engaged friend that his future mother-in-law (MIL from here on out) has booked an appointment for them to look at a venue for their wedding or reception or w/e. Now, I don’t know if he consented to having his personal time usurped like this, but I have a feeling he didn’t.

Having taken the Red Pill, I can clearly see this situation for what it is. He definitely hasn’t.
So what will probably happen is that more and more will be required of him by her parents and her, because he isn’t able to stand up to them in the small things. Avoiding a future of controlling Parents IL can be easily avoided by establishing proper boundaries right here and now. “I can’t make that night. I already have plans. What other nights can we do it?” would go a long way towards establishing a proper frame of relationship because you aren’t acting as their call-boy, but a party of equal value who needs to be taken into consideration.

Ironically, they want his opinion on the venue, but don’t respect him enough to have no qualms about imposing on his personal time.

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3 Responses to The Parent-in-Law Boundaries; Establish Early and Often

  1. feminizedwesternmale says:

    This was 20% of what destroyed my marriage – In laws. My retired, wealthy, sit on his ass and watch football all the time FIL, “bought” me a boat cover for OUR (50:50) boat on my birthday. Small problem, he didn’t pick it out, didn’t have any idea what size, etc. Essentially, he wanted me to send him the bill after I spent my whole Saturday driving to the manufacturer to pick out a boat cover for him, as much as me, for a boat that was 250 miles away.

    A whole other rant (and topic) is for Southern girls who perpetually cleave to their parents after marriage. My bitch ex told me, “Daddy is probably having a football party that weekend.” WTF?!?! I’m a busy physician who works 80+ hours a week, including some weekends.

    At the time, I was running the MAP via Athol, etc., but that was it for me. I told him to stick HIS boat cover up his ass and was out the door within 2 short weeks. Told him he was too retarded to operate a boat anyway, let alone come out of the rain, what did he need a cover for? Haven’t spoken to him since, and won’t. Only sparingly speak to the ex (to coordinate D.)

    Besides the therapeutic value of letting me type this out (thank you to our host), I advise to nip it in the bud before taking one inkling step forward. I could’ve but didn’t because I was still a “nice guy,” i.e. a tool. Fourteen years of that… on and on and on, it never gets better, only worst, and you will rue the day you could’ve manned out that wrinkle… which only festered until surgery was needed, with or without amputation.

    • ar10308 says:

      “and you will rue the day you could’ve manned out that wrinkle… which only festered until surgery was needed,”
      That’s really how it seems to start. This incident is just a tiny little wrinkle. Straighten it out and everything keeps sailing just fine. Keep straightening wrinkles as they come and don’t let them grow in to knots.

      I sent a quick email to him, teasing about his MIL is already controlling him, he replied letting me know that he is going voluntarily (his fiance told MIL that he had plans and couldn’t make it and that was ok, but he decided he wanted to go anyway). I still think it smacks of showing a willingness to be controlled.

  2. 22to28 says:

    I would suspect that they do not indeed want his opinion on the venue, but rather want an audience for their opinions on the venue.

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