Just Say Something

I read a Roissy post a while back about just saying something, rather than nothing when you reach and extended silence in conversation with a woman. I don’t doubt this is great advice. I just wish I could do it better.

I am a natural introvert, which means I get my energy from being alone and being less social (I am working on that by spending time with various groups of people every night of the week). This also manifests itself in the form of me not talking unless I have something useful or funny to say on the topic at hand. Contrast my one friend, who can jabber on about anything for tens of minutes at a time yet effectively saying nothing. Guess who ends up with all the ladies?

This isn’t even how I want to be. I can be in a social situation, forcing myself to think of something to say or a topic to propose, yet my mind will be utterly devoid of conversation topics. I couldn’t even say something dumb if I wanted to, my mind goes that blank. It happens in a lot of social situations, so it something I’m trying to work on, but I’m just not sure how.

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3 Responses to Just Say Something

  1. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    A corpse doesn’t bleed. It leaks.

    What? I’m just making conversation. What’s your deal? 😉

    Yeah, I’ve learned not to say what’s on my mind. Most of the time it’s not even creepy. Just boring as hell to anyone who’s not me. I mean, mapping out function calls and figuring the best use of control structures in a php module only fascinates for so long if you’re not actually working on the module yourself.

  2. Cautiously Pessimistic says:

    On a more serious note, I take meds for clinical depression, and a lot of depression meds nowadays do double duty as social anxiety meds. I’ve noticed I’m more chatty when I’m on those than when I’m not.

    Point is, I’m not intentionally doing anything different to be more outgoing when I’m on those meds, I just am. It may be a function of your personality, and you won’t be able to be a chatty Kathy in any natural sort of way. Doesn’t mean you can’t learn to fake it, to a certain extent. Even when I’m not on the social axiety type meds, I can pretend not to be a total shut in. But I doubt I’ll ever be able to fake being glib, even with the aid of powerful pharmaceuticals.

    The other point is that while gabby folks do have an easier time with surface relationships, us introverts tend to do better in deeper relationships, once we manage to find our way into one. The glass is still half full. Or twice as big as it needs to be, anyway.

  3. Pingback: Game and the Single Christian Man « Free Northerner

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